Where Did We Park The Bike
by Zelland
Summary: When James and Sirius's biggest problems were girls and parking spaces


**Disclaimer: James and Sirius belong to JK Rowling. Were they mine, I would not share them.**

* * *

"Where?"

"There."

"Where?"

_"There."_

"I do not know what I'm supposed to be looking at."

"You idiot – _there_. See? Right there."

"Ohh. Whoa."

"Mmhm."

"So that's the girl?"

"In the flesh."

"Huh. Speaking of which…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"Does she always dress like that?"

"I guess so. I haven't known her that long."

"How long is 'not that long?'"

"Almost a week."

"Merlin. And you've already slept with her?"

"Three times."

"Wow. So she's either really desperate, or really slutty."

"Why can't it be because I'm incredibly charming and roguishly handsome?"

"I assumed that was why, I was being sarcastic."

"Oh."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Actually she is really slutty. I doubt it has anything to do with me."

"Aw, don't sell yourself short."

"Nah, I'm serious."

"Heh heh heh."

"That stopped being funny about eight years ago, you know."

"No, it's still funny."

"Oh, shut up."

"Ha ha, sorry mate."

"Hmm."

"Well she's something else, I'll give you that much. But please tell me this isn't the girl you intend on bringing to my wedding."

"That's the girl I intend on bringing to your wedding."

"Ohh, don't do that."

"Why not?"

"You said yourself you've only known her a week."

"So?"

"She could be an escaped convict for all you know."

"How many girls have I dated that were escaped convicts?"

"…"

"She was an _assassin. _Completely different."

"I do not want an assassin at my wedding."

"This one's not an assassin."

"She's a hooker."

"She is not."

"She most certainly is."

"And how do you presume to know this?"

"She's sleeping with you, for one thing."

"Ha. Ha."

"And she's a waitress."

"So what?"

"In a bar. Like, not even a proper restaurant waitress."

"What difference does that make?"

"You have to meet certain standards to waitress in a restaurant."

"I highly doubt that."

"Well you have to be able to remember orders."

"She remembers orders."

"Not really."

"She does so."

"Padfoot, we ordered a round of drinks and she brought us a single plate of chips."

"I didn't hear you complain."

"…"

"…"

"Well regardless, you can't bring her to the wedding."

"Oh, come on, Prongs."

"No."

"If I promise she'll be fully clothed?"

"No."

"…"

"…"

"You are absolutely no fun."

"Well that, plus Lily'd kill me."

"Oh. I guess you're right."

"You should have learned by now that I am _always _right?"

"…"

"…"

"Humph."

"Do not sulk."

"Why not?"

"You're obnoxious when you sulk."

"That's only because I do it so well."

"Ha ha, that's true."

"…"

"Just bring a different date."

"What, you think I have scores of women lined up that I can just pick and choose from?"

"…"

"Well there are none I'd want to bring."

"There must be at least one."

"There's really not."

"Oh, come on."

"Well none that would meet these new standards that I was, until very recently, unaware of."

"Ah."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You'll find a date."

"I know that."

"Especially with the new motorbike."

"Seriously. If I'd known how fast those things attract women, I'd have gotten one ages ago."

"At least you've realized it now, and not during your midlife crisis."

"That's what I figure."

"…"

"…"

"So what are the odds it's still where we parked it?"

"The bike?"

Mmhmm."

"You think someone would try and steal it round here?"

"Yes."

"Actually, I'm kind of hoping they did."

"What? Why?"

"The anti-theft charm on it. It turns you into a sea urchin if you try to start the bike without the keys."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Ha ha ha! That's fantastic!"

"It really is."

"Well now I know not to steal it without taking your keys first."

"Indeed."

"…"

"…"

"I'm finished with the witty banter, if that's what you're waiting for."

"Too much to drink?"

"Not enough."

"Heh heh heh."

"No, I'm simply offended by your snubbing of my girlfriend."

"She's not your girlfriend."

"I'm offended by your snubbing of my hooker."

"…You're disgusting."

"Your words, mate."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Let's get out of here."

"Yes, let's. This is getting boring."

"Are you going to tell what's-her-name that you won't be seeing her anymore?"

"Nah."

"Are you going to call her?"

"…I'm sorry, have we met?"

"Ha ha. Well do you reckon she'll call you, then?"

"Doubt it."

"Really? Huh. Maybe you _should _be dating her. You two sound perfect for each other."

"You are hilarious, my friend."

"Ha ha ha."

"…"

"…"

"So what do you want to do now?"

"Remember where we parked that bloody bike."

"I mean, where do you want to go? And don't talk about my bike like that."

"I dunno. We could go up to that one place."

"You mean…"

"Yeah."

"But last time we were there, didn't we…"

"Mmhm. But I doubt they'll remember that."

"Well, I have gotten my hair cut since then."

"So shall we?"

"Sure. Now where did we park that bloody bike?"


End file.
